To be fair, there are a pleasant sprinkling of churches which have mended their ways and where new-comers are made to feel really welcome and wanted, but, by and large, the C. of E. needs a big reform in this matter.

Practical ways to help people feel wanted and welcome

I suggest that the church wardens, (who should always be there), or deputies for them should have no other main function before a service than personally to welcome all arrivals and befriend fresh faces.

In most churches, as you enter for a service, you cannot tell who the churchwardens are.

To remedy this I would like to see some QUITE NEW PROCEDURES FOR IDENTIFYING CHURCHWARDENS ....

Whenever present at a service or church social event, (like a coffee morning or summer fete), a BADGE, about 5 cms. long, should be worn on the chest, with the word CHURCHWARDEN on it in bold letters.

Because churchwardens are always elected for one year only, they should be handed back to the Chairman before the Church Annual Parochial Meeting begins, (doubtless with a word of appreciation for their 12 months in office).

As soon as the election (or re-election) takes place, they are presented to the Wardens.

At the main service on the next Sunday, the Churchwardens are publicly conducted to their pews - marked by churchwardens’ staves, and a prayer said for them.

One rather odd thing is that in some churches the wardens do not sit in the pews with a stave ! This needs to be put right.

Somebody else, (possibly a sides-man or woman), can do the books, (and help people find seats if necessary).

I ask you, what would you do if, one day, you answered the doorbell and a stranger said, “You don’t know me, but I am your cousin John/Joan on your father’s side”.

Assuming he or she was genuine, would you say, “Oh really? Thanks for calling”, and shut the door?

I hope not!

To look on the worst side: If I go to a church and get no welcome whatever, if I sit down and not a soul even raises an eyelid to say a “good morning”; if the minister is rushing here and there until two minutes past starting-time, if nobody speaks to me from arrival to departure, then what I shall feel like saying is:

“This church deserves to have empty pews. It has only itself to blame. I don’t want to come here again”.

There is another thing connected with “arrival procedures” which frequently needs attention.

As you know, it is a widespread and excellent custom to say a prayer as soon as one enters the pew (or chair) before a service begins.

We can ask a blessing on the person leading the service and on the people who have come. We can pray for the Holy Spirit to inspire the preacher and to guide our family and friends. We can ask God to be with us and speak to us through the experience of being there.

But the good habit of praying upon reaching our seat needs the good manners and consideration of other nearby worshippers.

My wife and I remember going to a large church near Torquay. It was made very difficult to pray on arrival because of the loud discussion between the two people just in front of us, on the subject of the price of tomatoes!

It always amazes me to see these conversations going on between friends and neighbours without ever considering the person who has just quite obviously arrived and has a head bowed in prayer.

We need good manners in this matter.

This need for good manners and consideration extends, (in two directions), in another way too.

I refer to younger parents who come with babies or young children.

More and more churches have crèches or Sunday schools which are at the same time as main services, but there are always times when people want to be or need to be at the main service with their children beside them.

People who bring children are sometimes put off by the obvious disapproval of the older adults.

I have known some young fathers or mothers so put off by this feeling of being unwelcome, that they have just given up coming, or go to another church where children are welcomed.

Such older people need to be reminded that the Church is a family and that most families have children: Toleration, (within reason), is the least one should be able to expect.

But what can be expected from the side of the parent who brings a child or children?

I have often seen “keen” young Christians who seem determined to concentrate on the service while totally ignoring what the children get up to.

The child can tear pages from the hymn books, climb on the seats in front or behind, bang metal or plastic toys loudly on the woodwork, scream, cry or talk loudly, and Mum or Dad blissfully sing or pray or whatever as if their child does not exist!

Again, this is selfish, inconsiderate and unnecessary.

(What I have written does, of course, apply more to set services like Holy Communion, and less to informal family services.)

Handy hints for parents with small children in church

The simple rule which I believe should be understood by all parents is this: if the baby, toddler, or older child is making sufficient noise or other disturbance so that people cannot hear or give their attention to the service, then the child should be moved away from the main congregation.

In some churches this is possible by allocating a side-chapel, a space behind the rear seats or a vestry as a “place of refuge” for Mum or Dad to take a distracting offspring.

The ideal is a place with a glass screen where the adult (with the child) can still see (and hear) the service, but where the child can be occupied with something without ruining the worship for others.

Before leaving home for church the parent needs to have ready a bag of things for the young child’s use.

This bag can include soft toys (which do not squeak and cannot be banged loudly), rough paper, coloured crayons, (to be confined to the paper!) and books to look at, (preferably not used at home, so as to make a change).

There are other dodges.

If a small child is to stay in the pew these items can often be used there, the little one kneeling on the floor (or on a kneeler) and writing or drawing on the paper placed on the seat.

But, even then, there remains the problem of the sermon and the main prayer-time!

The best idea, (invented by my wife!) is to have a large long toffee in its paper, but previously cut into three.

Just before the sermon begins, and again at the time of the intercessions and at the Eucharistic prayer, a piece of toffee is put in the child’s mouth, and if necessary shoes removed!!

Result: child happy, preacher happy, parent happy, and fellow worshipers happy!

How best to do all these things can be discussed with young wives or husbands in conjunction with the Vicar or Minister.

End of part 2.